Genetic Confusion
The day starts off with my brother going to one McDonald's to meet my Dad, me going to a different one, and my Dad going to the Buick dealership. In a normal family, Buick dealerships and McDonalds are not often confused.
Mostly by accident, we finally meet up at the McDonalds I have staked out. We enjoy witty conversation, McMuffins, and coffee, the beginning of a good day.
Disempowerment
I get back home around 11:00 am, boot up the computer and answer one email when the power goes off. I wait a few minutes, thinking it might come back on. After all, it is a beautiful, sunny day. After 30 minutes I call the power company and get a real person on the phone. She tells me she will report it, that her computer shows no outage yet, and to call back in 30 minutes or so for repair time estimates.
So I wait an hour, enjoying one of the books my brother gave me at breakfast. I am comfy sitting by the window reading. I call back and I get another real person (Can you believe such luck!) and this one tells me that all she can do is verify that, yes, my power is out.
What a relief to finally know for sure. I tell her how grateful I am for that information since I would never have figured that out on my own. I hang up before she can answer... and most importantly, before I say anything else.
The Power Returns
About 2:00 pm the power comes back on. Being the suspicious type, I wait 15 minutes before deciding it is back on for good. I close the book, start a pot of coffee and head back to the computer. I really want to finish the little terrorism stats project I've started.
I boot up, click IE... can't find server. I glance down at my lovely speedy cable modem (did I mention my brother is still on dial-up?) and it is three solid lights short of a connection. Just to make sure it's not something wrong with the modem from a power surge or something, I try the TV. Yep, cable is out.
I don't know about the cable company where you live, but here they’ve devised a torture routine you must go through every time you call them with a problem. I know this routine by heart. I reboot the digital receiver box. I reboot my modem. I know the cable is out and consider it likely that whatever knocked the power out got the cable too.
So I call the cable company. I don’t even have to look up their number, if that tells you anything about my warm and ongoing relationship with them.
But I am nice. I go through the torture routine with the customer service rep du jour. I even go along with the idea of unplugging the digital cable box from the wall, waiting 30 seconds and plugging it back in again as an alternate reboot method. This method requires moving furniture in my humble abode. CSR du jour says if it's not working after trying the extreme "unplug it from the wall" method, the digital box is broken and I must bring it to their office and get a replacement.
I balk. I ask about the internet connection. She says she can test my modem, but that I must do the extreme "unplug it from the wall" reboot method on it first. I tell her that would require me crawling under the desk, and ask why I can't use the method suggested by the IT people when I call specifically for internet problems - which is disconnect the power cord from the modem.
She said that doesn't work and will damage both my modem and my computer. She expresses dismay and disbelief that anyone officially associated with The Company would suggest such a thing.
I say, "Really." I say this in the iciest, most sarcastic tone I have. I have practiced this tone for years. It’s a scary tone, dripping with sarcasm and impending… whatever. My children still run to hide under their beds when I use this tone, though they all have their own homes now.
"Yes, really. We've had lots of modems damaged that way. The test I run sends a large electrical charge to the modem and the electricity that's left in the cord if it's not unplugged from the wall will damage your modem."
"Oh dear, I didn't know that. Should I disconnect the modem from the computer before you do that?"
"No, your computer must be connected to the modem. But you can turn the computer off, if you want."
I refrain from saying “Riiiiggghhht”.
We've been on the phone for almost 30 minutes. The real danger to my computer is the steam coming out my ears.
But I need this woman to submit a work order. She's told me three times that there have been no other calls about service outages. However unlikely, it could be just our house. So, I lay the phone down on the desk and make noises like I'm crawling under it, grunt a little, say "ouch" while unplugging the power cord from my modem - not the wall - and count to 30 slowly, out loud, then reconnecting it.
I inform her that still none of the connection lights are coming on steady. She informs me that her test "signal" failed to reach my modem. I tried "really" on her again with the same lack of effect.
Then she tells me (finally) that she will submit a work order ticket and that my service will be restored within 24 - 48 hours.
Now I’m angry. I pull out the old "May I speak to your supervisor, please" tactic.
"I don't have a supervisor."
"OH?" Genuine surprise here, mixed with fear. I don’t want this person unsupervised in my world. I then ask to speak to someone in billing, and she says she is billing. I ask her if it will take them 24-48 hours to disconnect all our services. She asks me to hold.
Amazingly, magically even – a supervisor is on the line.
The supervisor is very apologetic and assures me they do not specifically train their representatives to treat the customers as if they were as clueless as the representatives.
I took the high road and let that one slide. Personally, I think they’re recruiting at DU.
Thank you, blogosphere, for allowing me this rant. I feel better already. I’m so happy, I think I’ll call my brother and see if he wants to meet for breakfast tomorrow at the Ford dealership.
